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private2008.09.18 16:55
Do you know what are you doing today?
I thought I knew mine but It seems I haven't got anything to do.
Today, I just get lost again feel disoriented.
Maybe It's just because of the pint of Guiness I had for lunch or maybe not....

In fact, since last month, Every happening seems so challenging in various direction.
I still couldn't figure it out when and how all these changes began.
I'm not looking for something to blame or giving it a scarlet letter. I just want to KNOW when and how it started objectively. It began, probabely, from the mement when I realized I couldn't live in the previous house any more or when I signed the contract for a new house after just  two viewings or when I just came back from the trip to Korea, which was the first visit after my grandmother's death.
Or It was just a chain reaction of unlucky thoughts that I've been holding on for a while or I'm just too tired to defend all the negative things for the sake of keeping my faith.

Whatever the reason It was,is, (it's very likely the last reason, though.) my Unlucky incidents happened and I'm living with those results at this moment.
Don't know when It will end, much worse, It would be a just prelude of other followings like a credit crunch situation in here now. I have a big decision ahead, which will effect many other choices I could have in the future whether I live here in UK or back to Korea.

Recently, after all these depressing experience, I have strong realization that I've been missing out every possible form of verbal communication with other human being. I need somebody who really cares me and vice versa. That is really pathetic end of thought process after all these troubles of seeking my true identity and career path to a success, I need just one who can take care of me!!!
No way. I can't finish this journey like this, can I?
There are a lot of behind stories about this feeling, but I won't let them throw on this page right now. Someday, I'll do it. little by little, step by step. For the sake of dusting off some thoughts in my head and leftover emotions in my heart. I think, I should make some room in order to let someone can engage in my life.

The point is that I realized someone is needed. This is terrifyingly scary. 
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